Ah sweet victory

I had several frustrations but overall it was a very good day.

First I’ll start with Christmas. J’s priest reached out to me on Sunday, saying that there was a young trans woman in the trans support group. She made the tough decision not to see her family for Christmas because they are not very accepting nor good for her mental health.

The priest asked if I would be willing to invite her over to my house on Christmas because she knew I was very supportive and that my kids would be good for her to know. I said of course immediately before even asking the kids (whoops.) Fortunately they were fine with it, although at first Amy was pretty crabby about it and said she planned to leave shortly after our guest arrived. I said okay but asked her not to leave right away because then it might look worse to our guest, like she was leaving because of her.

Amy ended up being the most talkative and welcoming one of us all, lol. I was so, so happy that Amy greeted her with “what’s up homegirl?”

The guest still looks fairly masculine; she’s only been on hormones for 9 months so far. But we didn’t treat her any differently at all. One of Dyl’s best friends at A&M was a trans woman who was even earlier in her transition and at one point we thought she might get kicked out of her home, so she had a standing offer to stay with us.

I really go out of my way to be open and accepting to all, including sharing my home.

This young trans woman (who’s actually 29 so not really as young as I expected) is also mildly autistic and so are all of us, so the conversation was very natural. I really liked her and I think we’ll keep in touch.

Christmas ended up being a fucking marathon of a day. Amy and her boyfriend didn’t even go home until 1 am. But we had lots of important talks, including she forced me and Dyl to discuss something that’s been lowkey simmering tension between us for a while.

I would tell Dyl that I really needed his help getting our grocery budget under control because inflation is absolutely insane and it’s affecting me a lot. Dyl would always reference the fact that I bought new dressers months and months ago and say that in light of that, he didn’t feel like he should have to make sacrifices when it comes to cooking.

Fortunately Amy completely defended my purchase of the dressers, pointing out that I had never in my entire life picked out dressers of my own. And she also rightly mentioned that a purchase 6+ months ago is really irrelevant to our current grocery budget.

So we came up with some new plans that I think will work better. Some of what she said went way back to how living in poverty for so long in Michigan had scarred us all, which made us all feel very seen and understood but it also made both me and Dyl cry. But mostly in a good way.

So then today I went car shopping and I had a GREAT experience! I had canceled the Carvana delivery because I found better deals locally and now have a rental car, so I can go look on my own. Amy offered to go with me because she’s a really good negotiator but I felt confident enough to do it on my own.

I ended up buying a ‘22 Camry. It has like 27K miles on it. I’ve only ever had a car this new ONCE in my whole life! I went alone but I was texting with Amy periodically and she thought the purchase was a smart one. Basically it’s only $7k more than I’m getting back from insurance for my old car, so she looked at it like I was getting an almost new car for $7,000. It actually costs less than the older car I had bought through Carvana.

Even though I could pay for the whole thing with cash, I’m going to finance the $7K to help build my credit back up.

I very specifically wanted a white car this time. They had one listed on their website as pending delivery and I chose that one. I’ll know more tomorrow about when it will be in but they said it should be less than a week.

I put down a $1,000 deposit but it’s refundable if it turns out for whatever reason I change my mind when it gets here. But I doubt that I will.

I already have pre-approval for the financing through Capital One so that’s a relief.

After I chose the car and as I was filling out the paperwork, I told the sales guy (who was a very ripped and muscley black man) that it was actually my first time EVER buying a car on my own. He gave me a high-five lol.

I got a great incredible deal on exactly the car I wanted. (Well, technically I also test drove the RAV4 and loved it but it was outside my budget. Maybe next time I’m car shopping—in about 10 years—I may have the money for one.)

I had other important realizations, like that I really don’t want to become a therapist after all, but that will have to wait for another day.

For now I am still riding very high on purchasing my first ever car all by myself and doing a great job at it. That feels so satisfying.

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