Tentative new plans

So I decided, based mostly on Amy’s advice, to stay on disability and get J’s survivor benefits in a little over a year.

I might still move into low-income apartments in Denton near the end of the school year; we’ll have to see. A lot of that depends on what Chloe and Dyl plan to do and if they’re ready to be independent by then.

I do know that I really can’t do it any later than that, though. I am bleeding money trying to stay in this house. Even with Dyl and Chloe contributing toward rent, I’m still spending about $1000 a month more than I bring in. That means that all has to come out of the life insurance money. At that rate, it’s not going to last very long.

I told Amy that my deficit was about that much and she wasn’t surprised. As much shame as I feel about not making the life insurance money last longer, it’s just not very realistic. She told me that if I go through most of it in the next year, it would completely make sense. So why am I beating myself up so much?

She understands the costs of things and knows why I can’t keep up. She feels the dramatic increase in groceries and utilities too. That’s somewhat of a relief because I sure don’t feel like I can cut back any more than I am.

I recently turned my heat down 2 degrees and I’ll set the AC maybe 5 degrees warmer once that weather hits us again. I am actually a super huge wimp and don’t tolerate temperature extremes very well. I am too cold right now and I know I’ll be too hot when it’s AC time again. But I just can’t afford the bills to keep the house at a comfortable temperature.

Amy suggested that I buy a cheap plot of land somewhere around here and put a mobile home on it. But I did some research and found out that mobile homes get very warm when it’s AC season and high electric bills are common, even though you never feel cool enough.

So I decided to go back to my original plan from way back when: moving to Oklahoma. It fits my criteria of being an hour and a half from a big city—this one. I could even keep my same doctors at UTSW and come down to see concerts here.

What’s even better is that I can actually get a house of my own. I’ve found several that meet the criteria for down payment assistance through a USDA loan. My payments in most cases would be well below $1000 a month, which I could actually afford on my own.

My mom is trying to discourage me from buying a house, saying that the repairs would be too much to keep up with. Also somehow (??) she thinks that I should have way more of the life insurance money left.

I suppose that I could rent a place in Oklahoma for a cheaper price too. But I see it that owning a house would be a sort of insurance for when I’m older. I don’t know what’s going to happen with my health. Maybe I’ll never get worse but I can’t count on that. If I own a house, that will provide a buffer if I ever get really sick and need FT care. The stories I’ve heard about what’s available if you’re on Medicare are pretty awful.

I know Oklahoma is still conservative and it’s identical to here in terms of weather. Sure, I’d love to be somewhere more liberal. But I’m also thinking about what’s realistic on my budget.

Oklahoma has legal medical marijuana and it’s easy to get a card if you’re a resident. They also don’t have the dumbass independent power grid like we do in Texas. Property taxes are like half of what they are here.

It just seems like it makes sense to me to plan on moving there.

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