Bleh

I had a counseling session today and my therapist told me to create a vision board. It’s probably a good idea. I have so many things I want to do and need some guidance organizing my thoughts.

I’ve got a job interview on Thursday and it pays fairly well. After training I would be on second shift, which I could do. I really need better insurance for me and the kids, although Chloe should have her own soon too.

I’m almost done with reorganizing my bedroom and my office is all set up. I’m still too drained to start working on a novel, though.

I had a very unpleasant encounter with someone I’ve known since elementary school. He’s never been married and still lives in our hometown. He’s also in love with Texas (to which I just want to ask: why?!?!) I get it that Texas in the cities is a lot more exciting than in our hometown I guess but it also seems like setting your sights too low.

Then he started talking about how hot I am and how I’ve always been a goddess but honestly my reaction is just “yuck. Then he started talking about wanting to live someplace where he could be naked all the time and I bounced from the conversation.

I think another guy I went to high school with also may have his sights on me too. He sends me lots of messages about how good I look and stuff.

Honestly I just find the attention draining. It’s in the same category as my seemingly endless matches on OK Cupid. I don’t even check them anymore.

I really only want a relationship with a woman but I’m not even ready for that yet. I just want to be alone for a while. Get my stuff done and then sleep.

Unless you can take me away to live in a place that’s better than here, I don’t really have the time or interest.

Frankly I want to be alone. I want J back. I miss him so, so much. None of these jokers even come close.

But apparently now that I’m in the second half of my first year after losing J, the gloves have come off and I’m finding all these people interested in me. And I really don’t want it and don’t think I’ve signaled otherwise. My heart is going to be broken for a long long time.

I get it I guess that I’m reasonably attractive compared to what’s around and I’ve already proven that I can love somebody very, very well, flaws and all.

But if they’re not J, they’re not worth it.

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