So last night I saw J again. I asked him where his deck of Yu-gi-oh cards is because Amy really wants to find it. And he told me that he didn’t know but I might want to check in the attic, now that the daytime temperature is starting to cool down.
He also told me a lot of things that frankly don’t make any sense at all, because they were so specific.
He told me that my former friend probably will not pay me back but that I will get back every cent I loaned her and quite a bit more. He didn’t say where or how I would be getting this, just that it would be coming to me.
He also told me that I am going to be given a car. That it will just be given to me outright. He even told me what kind of car it would be and even the color and the model year.
That’s so unbelievably specific that I am now starting to have doubts. Also, I don’t particularly want a new car; I really love the current car I’m driving. Though I suppose that if what he told me is the truth, I would either offer to sell my car and split the proceeds between Dyl and Amy because I wasn’t able to get them cars (although Amy would almost certainly turn me down) or give my car to Dyl or I guess just sell it outright.
My car is surprisingly worth a decent amount of money. I bought it in 2017 (it’s a 2015) with the intention that it was a good investment because Toyotas tend to hold their value well.
I just really don’t understand this particular prediction of J’s and I’m looking for all kinds of reasons to disbelieve it. But at the same time, I don’t want to disbelieve it so hard that I block it if it’s coming to me, if that makes any sense.
I’m also feeling strangely more drawn towards Nash, which is also unexpected and weird. But he’s so calm and being around him is so calming for me.
Yesterday, he gave me a couple of really long hugs and they were the kind of hugs where someone hugs you for long enough that it just makes all your stress melt away and you totally relax. Honestly, I haven’t experienced that since J died.
At the same time, I’m being really cautious not to get carried away, although that’s also difficult. I don’t want to have sex with him too soon because that tends to ruin relationships.
But on the other hand, I also feel like we’re a pretty good match. Our astrological signs are even a great match; he’s an Aries and I’m an Aquarius. We’re both stimulated by intellectual conversations. J and I were also a good match according to astrology; he was a Sagittarius. But that’s all assuming that anything can be explained by astrology, which I’m not so sure about.
I don’t remember if he wants kids or not but I’m inclined to think not. Since I’m apparently probably in menopause right now, that would be a dealbreaker.
But why am I even thinking about whether or not he wants kids? It’s not like we’re anywhere close to that. At the same time, though, I also have a connection to him that I’ve only experienced a couple of times in my life.
Maybe it will be like my relationship was with Cat, where I was just supposed to learn from her that I’m still sexually desirable and what it feels like to have sexual chemistry with someone. And even though I don’t really believe that much in astrology, we were a bad match in that sense, too.
I guess for right now I’m just going to enjoy hanging out with Nash and learning what he has to teach me. He has a lot to teach me about trusting in the universe to provide for me, which I definitely need.