Scared again

My health has taken a serious turn for the worse. My stress is very poorly controlled lately and I am suffering as a result.

I don’t know why now, when I have faced so much worse before.

But my legs are in excruciating pain and I have that weird, specific type of headache that led to me getting initially diagnosed with “MS” and also led to a stroke a few years ago.

I wish my so called friend would pay me back. I don’t have the energy to go to court but I’m going to have to find it. I desperately wish I had never loaned her the money, both because she’s been so callous and flaky about repaying me and more importantly because I actually need the money myself.

I took on more freelance work to make more money but I can’t keep up with it all. I can’t take on a full time job and I can’t seem to manage my time well enough to do some of my other ideas for making money either.

My rent is going up by $300 a month and I am not sure how I’m going to pay that. I am not like some people I know who posted a GoFundMe and has been updating it weekly for more donations for the past 3+ months. The crazy thing is that she’s still getting donations too, and it’s just her. She’s already gotten nearly as much as I did after the loss of my husband while I’m on disability and trying to help support two of my kids. Unreal. I guess I’m not greedy enough or something because lord knows that I still need lots of help but you don’t see me asking for it.

All I feel like I can do is sleep and I hope that eventually I’ll feel like I’m healing.