Indecisive (or not)

I’ve been thinking about it all day and I really don’t want to go out with that Indian guy again. He was nice and interesting and committed to safe sex blah blah blah but the reality of having sex with a guy is just really not that appealing.

I know that probably really means that I’m a lesbian. Sigh. I really don’t want this to be the case but I think it is anyway.

It’s probably going to result in hurt feelings on his part, which is very understandable. But I also don’t feel like I can go through with it when I really don’t want to. I’ve been there and done that before and I actually think that’s worse (at least for me.)

Sex with men is almost always disappointing. I know that probably has more to do with my lack of attraction to them than anything wrong with the men themselves.

Meanwhile my son’s cat appears to be dying and I really don’t want to deal with that right now.

This has been such a hard year, especially for him. We lost J on the first day of the year. We lost Miney cat just 2 weeks later, which was absolutely brutal to witness and was way too much like what I went through with J.

And now Dyl’s cat, too. He is so bonded to this cat and I know he will be absolutely devastated by losing her. It’s not entirely a surprise as she’s 17 years old and outlived her litter mate Cammy by 5 years. But this just really isn’t a good time for it. Not that there would ever be a good time but this is an especially bad time for it.

I’m worried about him. This is a lot of deaths for me and I can’t imagine the effects it will have on someone so young to lose so many important figures in his life in such a short period of time.

I have a lot of writing to do, both paid/assigned writing and other projects I want to do. But right now it’s really all that I can do just to hold myself together and try to be there for my kids.

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