Everything is at peace

I feel SO good right now after finding some great and helpful videos on YouTube about dealing with narcissists. I officially retract my long-held stance against video content. I still greatly prefer text-based content in general but videos are actually sometimes a good way to communicate information, especially when I don’t have much time to read.

Did Christi take advantage of me? Absolutely. Whether or not she meant to is irrelevant, because it’s the same outcome either way.

But the fact remains that she was extremely hateful and rude when I called her out on her lack of payments so far, and that’s all I need to know about whether or not she’s a narcissist. Of course she is. Normal, psychologically healthy people wouldn’t react that way when confronted with what they’ve done and they would behave totally differently if they valued the relationship.

I also realized why my MIL cut us out of her life permanently and it basically came down to the fact that she tried to bullshit us with stories that didn’t make sense and we called her out on it.

If there’s one thing narcissists hate, it’s being fact-checked and called out on their bullshit. All the kids and I expressed very firmly that we weren’t going to tolerate it anymore from my MIL (some of us more fiercely than others, lol…I still tried as hard as possible to express some understanding) and she had no use for us anymore.

Suddenly, I find it both hilarious and sad at the same time that both Christi and my MIL really and truly believe the stories they’re telling themselves. On the one hand, it’s actually terrifying to think that some people can be so delusional.

But on the other hand, it’s also really, really funny. (Picture that old Brady Bunch gif of Marcia sarcastically saying “sure, Jan” and that’s pretty much my reaction.)

Don’t worry, I’ll still be taking Christi to court. I assume she’s not going to pay me before then because she’s a narcissist and narcissists rarely part with their money sacrificially or to be honorable about their obligations.

She may or may not have been really trying to change. If she was, I kinda feel sorry for her, because I can’t imagine being so damaged by your upbringing to think that her behavior was normal. Narcissism is notoriously difficult to fix and I can’t imagine that being in that position is easy at all.

But I don’t feel that sorry, either, nor will I when I take her to court. And it’s not even like I’m mad about it and it doesn’t hurt me anymore. It just is what it is and I am absolutely strong enough to deal with it. I actually feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

The truth is that neither she nor my MIL were ever worth anything to me. I gave them both the benefit of the doubt for way too long and neither of them deserved it. I may have wasted too much time and energy on both of them but none of it matters now because neither one of them will ever have a chance to hurt me again.

You have to think people are worth something to care about them and I just so don’t care about either of them anymore. They are completely unimportant to me and will never get back to a place where I care about what happens to them. They both get to suffer from how they’ve treated people and they deserve every bit of it. All I can do is just laugh. Because honestly, it’s actually so pathetic that it’s really kinda funny.

Hallelujah! I’m finally free!!

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