Moving forward

I’m not really sure what has happened but I like it overall.

I’ve got another date tomorrow with Cat. It looks like this may be an every week kind of thing, where I’ll stay the night at her house on Friday nights. I’ve gotten my backpack out of storage (I knew I would need it someday, though I didn’t know what for.)

Dyl got a job at Kroger. He’s understandably exhausted from being on his feet all day but other than that he’s adapting well and he’ll soon have some money to contribute to household expenses (especially food, which will be a big help because he’s pretty experimental in the kitchen and buying pricey ingredients is adding up.)

Chloe also has an interview again at Starbucks and I think this time might go better for her.

So that just leaves me, I guess. I’ll have to wait until Dyl can drive himself to work before I have full availability anyway but I’m not sure what I’ll do after that. I guess that depends on whether or not I get into grad school and for what term. I’m kind of in a limbo and I don’t like it but I also can’t do anything to hurry it along.

My therapist is going to work with me on why I’m so scared to identify as lesbian. I guess we’ll figure that out.

I just know that I’m having a lot of fun with Cat lately. And yet even that seems like it’s too soon. Like I shouldn’t have any right to be happy after losing J—at least not this soon. But I did do a whole bunch of anticipatory grieving before he died and maybe that’s helping me somewhat now.

I just know that I’m finally exploring my sexuality and feeling good about it, so I hesitate to put on the brakes just because of some arbitrary time frame. I at least feel like I’m out in the world again and I’m more confident in myself than I have been in years and that feels really good.

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