Loving too much

How do you know when you love too much and when does it become a problem?

Yesterday was 6 months since I lost J. I wrote an article at Medium about it and I was just in a bad funk for the whole night.

I got to thinking about how much I loved him and wondered if it could be considered codependency. I looked up definitions at several different sites and determined that it probably wasn’t.

From there, I looked up the concept of the “favorite person” in borderline personality disorder and wondered if that was it instead. And again, I don’t think it was that, either.

I just really, deeply loved J with everything I had.

But the fact remains that I have a pattern of loving people more than they love me. This isn’t some eating worms, pity-party shit, it’s just facts.

I habitually give more to many relationships than I get back. Whether it’s time, attention, money, gifts, I just make a much bigger effort than most other people seem to.