So it turns out that my friend is upset with me and very hurt because I asked her about approaching her partner in the poly relationship.
She didn’t tell me so at the time and she even told him that I was interested. But as she sat with the knowledge for longer, it became more and more apparent that she actually wasn’t okay with it.
Now I’m just feeling like I fucked everything up and I deeply regret ever saying anything to her. I don’t know how I could have known but maybe that’s obvious to everyone else; I don’t know.
He still wants to sleep with me and for so many reasons, my answer is no. But that doesn’t matter because the damage is already done.
This is such a horrible feeling and I can’t do anything to undo it. I desperately wish I could.
I would never intentionally hurt a friend. I have even gone to great lengths to prevent hurting friends, even when we were angry at each other. I really didn’t understand the realities of poly relationships and that some people are supposed to be off limits. I still don’t even know how I could have known but I guess that I should have.
I just realize that I crossed a line without realizing it and like I somehow (??) should have known better. I don’t know how I could have known better but I’m still beating myself up a lot for it.
I just am clearly not ready to date anyone yet because I’m too fucked up.