Nope, not ready yet

I tried to plan a casual date yesterday and I couldn’t go through with it.

On the one hand, it was just casual dinner with a woman and I like her well enough so far. I honestly felt really, really bad because I basically canceled on her at the very last minute and that was shitty for me to do.

We had horrendous heat advisories and I already felt crappy and kind of queasy just from taking Dyl to his therapy appointment. I really didn’t know if I even could go out because the heat was bothering me so much.

But basically I am still not anywhere near being over J. Which is not surprising, even though I am not looking to replace him. All I want is to have an occasional dinner companion and apparently even that feels too disloyal.

I also outed myself on FB as being bisexual but seriously oh well. IDGAF. I think most people already assumed that or knew that anyway and the ones who didn’t I don’t care about their opinions in the first place. I’m just being real. At this point in my life I have no patience or tolerance for bigots.

I just still feel really awful about pretty much everything and I just wish J could be back here with me again.

Sometimes I honestly don’t even understand how he’s not or what happened to him. It just left my head spinning and I’m still not anywhere near being right again.