Ugh, my mom

She’s making me second-guess my own decisions and I hate it. I’m not sure if this is how she means it or not but she’s making me feel like she questions my ability to make good decisions for myself and the kids.

She very often gives advice when I don’t ask for it and a lot of it seems like she thinks I’ll be irresponsible now that I don’t have J to fall back on. As though he was the only person keeping me responsible before, I guess.

I know exactly how much money I have at all times—just like I did when J was still around. The kids (meaning the younger two who are still at home) and I are actually doing pretty well. We have pretty solid plans and we’re getting stuff done. We’ve even taken on some new responsibilities, like Dylan with his gardening and I’ve done a lot to repair the yard (like growing new grass, getting the gate fixed, and getting some ancient cardboard that was rotting in our lawn taken care of.)

We’re good, as good as we can be under the circumstances.

Yet she’s always telling me what choices she thinks I should be making and either they’re what I’m already doing anyway or they’re frankly none of her business.

Example: I am thinking of taking a short vacation trip with the kids, possibly soon, to Denver and Boulder and maybe Santa Fe if we do a road trip. (That looks increasingly likely but I have to discuss it with them. I know Chloe doesn’t like long road trips very much.)

We all want to do this as kind of a last hurrah before we all start working (yes, probably including me, too.) We haven’t been on any kind of vacation in I think four or five years. Our last vacation was to visit J’s sister in Tennessee, which was fine. But it was still a trip to see family and not necessarily a place we wanted to visit otherwise.

Now I want to do this and my mom is trying to talk me out of it, saying that the people who are giving me money will be upset if I go on a road trip. For one, I don’t think they really would; I think most people who truly support me understand why we all might benefit from a little getaway.

Second, am I going to start living my life to please others? It’s not like I did before.

And then there’s her reaction to me telling her that I was probably going to be dating primarily women for a while. She giggled like it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. And I get that she may be embarrassed and I’m also extremely grateful that she didn’t say anything hateful. But I’m also just wondering what exactly is so funny about that?

The women I’ve been meeting on the dating apps are so much more interesting and frankly less creepy than the men. I just don’t feel ready for men yet. Women seem safer. And for now I think that’s what should matter.

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