Messages from beyond

I’m not a huge believer in signs from those who have passed. I’m trying to convince myself and I have to admit that I’m closer to believing now.

Last night, I was trying to fall asleep. I had taken just one hit off of my CBD pen, hoping to be relaxed enough to fall asleep without getting too high. My working guess now is that doing so made me finally able to communicate with J.

I started out by telling him all the things we’ve been up to lately—kind of like a different version of the letter my therapist has been bugging me to write to him.

Then he started replying to me like he was in the same room. He stayed for much longer than he did when I had the experience of him visiting me after I got my Covid booster shot. Seriously, he was there long enough that it didn’t feel rushed at all.

He apologized to me for not being able to love me the way that I deserved for so many years. He said that he did love me to the fullest extent that he could but he knew I deserved more.

He also told me that he arranged for me and Christi to become friends again, which I found interesting because he never liked her much before. She has changed so much for the better and he wanted me to have that support. I told him that I loaned her the money to pay off her debts and said I was sorry (because that’s always haunted me a bit, wondering if he’d approve) and he said it was okay. And he also said that I’m never going to be poor again like I was in Michigan.

He also told me that I’m going to date primarily women for at least the next year and to just have fun with it. Then, he told me that I’m going to have two more serious relationships a couple of years from now.

He said that the first one will be almost perfect but I’ll have nagging doubts when we start talking about marriage and I’ll break it off. And almost immediately thereafter, I will meet the one I’m supposed to be with and I will just know.

He said our relationship will be like mine was with him in the last few years, only even better. And he said that I don’t have to worry about outliving him (one of my fears is being widowed again.) He said we’ll have a lot of years together and that I deserve that happiness.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about travel lately and he said that I should just focus on domestic travel this year. And he specifically mentioned San Miguel de Allende, an artsy town in Mexico that I’ve been wanting to visit. He said I should try to wait and time it for as close to next May as I can and that it will be like an anniversary trip from him.

It was just an amazing experience having him answer so many questions I’ve had lately. He also said that he may not visit me again for a while but that he’s always looking out for me and is with me. He said he’s going to be “working on his mom for a while” and trying to get her to come around.

That all just seems like something he’d really do. I hope that he does have luck reaching his mom and that his efforts won’t be fruitless.

And meanwhile, I’ve connected with a woman through a dating app and it looks like it might turn into something. He mentioned her too and told me that I’ll enjoy my time with her and even told me about an experience we’re supposed to have.

I guess I am interested now to see how much of his predictions come true. It will be eerie as hell if they’re all correct.