Yesterday was kinda a clusterfuck of multiple proportions.
I got high on dextromethorphan…aka cough syrup. Amy told me about it and said she was much more enthusiastic about her experiences with it than with weed. She reacts in the same unpleasant ways to weed that I do.
It was in general a much better trip and I really enjoyed listening to Phoebe Bridgers on repeat while I was high.
I cried a lot, which I probably needed to do. I thought about how J had probably never experienced music in the same way that I was and that made me sad.
And then I decided to reach out to a very old friend of mine. I’ve mentioned him before and that my husband was threatened by him. We’re pretty much a perfect sexually compatible match. He was very glad to hear from me and tried to make me feel better. We talked for over 3 hours.
We also had an interesting experiment with mutual masturbation that somehow managed to skirt all the lines of inappropriateness. It was nice and I felt beautiful.
We’re left with the same dilemma we’ve always had: other partners. First, I had J, who was much less open to any kind of extramarital anything and was in fact a bit worried about my friendship with this guy (whom I’ve actually known for longer than I knew J.) And there’s the fact that while he’s married and his wife is bisexual and a little more open to ideas like polyamory, she’s also a wild card.
I don’t know what we’re going to do next. He’s actually in school to become a therapist also but he’s still working on undergrad. He lives in California, where I want to be.
But it’s all probably going to be a very long game. I don’t expect anything to happen very soon. But just knowing that it might is an exciting possibility for me. And knowing that I have him as a ride-or-die person in my corner and cheering me on counts for a lot.