Where to next?

I know I am most likely going to leave Texas eventually. In a sad way, that’s one of the only things that’s a potential positive about J’s passing. He was so employable here, which was a great feeling for him after struggling for so many years in Michigan.

Who’s to say if he even would have been resistant to moving; maybe he wouldn’t have. But now (for better or worse) I am free to go anywhere that I want.

While Texas is undoubtedly better economically than Michigan was, it has also changed a lot (for the worse) since I moved back here 8 years ago. On the one hand, there are a lot more liberals in the city and suburbs than there were back then. But on the other hand, housing prices have gone up so astronomically that when I look at other notoriously expensive cities, I don’t get sticker shock anymore.

I hate so much about this state’s political system and it’s only getting worse. Between the abortion bans and the laws targeting trans kids, I am heeding the message that I am not welcome here anymore.

Amy has the youthful vigor and knowledge of guns that she wants to stay and fight and I celebrate that. But I don’t think the same path is likely to work for me. I feel like I’ve been through more than enough struggle already and I just want to have an easier life.

I want to move to someplace where my and my kids’ rights aren’t threatened. I would ideally like to remarry someday if I can ever find anyone with whom I have as remotely good of a connection as I did with J. It probably will be to a male but I inherently trust men less than women so I think that may take a while to find.

I mean, ideally I would like to strike up a relationship with a guy who lives on the west coast, who is already financially successful and has dealt with any childhood trauma he suffered. He could just swoop me up and get me out there. But that doesn’t seem too likely, either.

I just don’t know when to leave or where I should go but I’m pretty sure my days here are numbered. Dyl keeps talking about how I’ve decided to move to “Commiefornia” (he thinks that’s clever, I guess.) I haven’t decided that for sure yet—mainly because I don’t have enough money yet—but I just really need to get the hell out of Texas.

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