Yesterday was another weird day. I can’t really say what I did but somehow it filled up the whole day.
I sold my old crate, which was actually an extra-large dog kennel that we got to keep Miney cat in when she wanted to escape from the other cats.
It was weird because I listed it for $50, half of the new price. I had a ton of interest in it. One woman drove up from a far south suburb during rush hour. I was waiting and waiting for her to show up. She finally got to my house and took a look at it and decided she didn’t want it.
It had cat litter that was ground really deeply into the plastic of the bottom mat. I had scrubbed it with this awesome stuff my mom recommended called Dawn Power Shot but it still left some of the cat litter residue behind.
So I moved down the list of responders to the next one. I told her about the cat litter and asked if she still wanted it. She said yes but asked if I would be flexible on the price. I offered it for $30 and she came and picked it up. So at least now that’s one less giant thing taking up room in my garage.
Meanwhile, there was someone on my local “buy nothing” group who was asking for a free dog crate. I originally offered it to her for free but changed my mind when I realized I could sell it. So I joined several local dog rescue groups and located someone who had one to give away for free. I felt bad that I had changed my mind about giving mine to her so I went (in my opinion) above and beyond to find her a replacement.
But the replacement is about 45 miles away and now she wants me to go get it. And at this point, I’m just like WTF? I went way above and beyond what I had to do and you still want me to go get it for you? I don’t think so.
Honestly my biggest thought the whole time was how could she not know that her dog was going to get bigger? It seems like irresponsible pet ownership to me to adopt a pet and then be surprised by its needs.
At this point, I am washing my hands of the whole thing. I feel like I have done more than enough for her.
So all that junk took up most of my day and then I had to write an article too.
And I also looked into different grad school programs and might go for an LPC instead of a LCSW. I can do counseling with either one. But that also means that I have to look into totally different schools now, too.
I know that my mom means well and she doesn’t want to see me burdened by school debt. But she suggested that I look into cheaper programs than the one at Baylor and that set me off on a round of questioning myself and my decisions.
On the one hand, if I go for an LPC, I may be able to get my internship hours at the same practice where Amy and Chloe have gone (if there’s no conflict of interest.) I emailed the practice director to ask. She’s in the same line of work I eventually want to be doing anyway and her website said that many of their interns go on to keep working there after they get licensed.
But that still brings me back to what school to attend and looking into whether or not they’re CACREP-certified (a big deal in the counseling world.) And I’m finding that a lot of the schools I want cost even more than Baylor.
I mean I would LOVE to have a degree from a prestigious university, especially given how well I did in undergrad. But I also have to think seriously about the school debt. So far the front runner is Pepperdine University, which is hella prestigious and says they rank in the top 5 for return on investment for counselors.
But. I just don’t know if I should do it or not.
I wrote an article for Medium about how I’m getting through and how much gardening is helping, which is surprising because I’ve always had a pretty black thumb and don’t have the best track record for keeping plants alive.
I’m just in a very weird limbo. Chloe finally got her name legally changed, which is a big step. But she’s not getting any interviews either, probably because she has very little work experience.
Dyl has an interview tomorrow at a salad place and they pay well. I find it kind of interesting that he’s having so much more luck than Chloe. He could probably get hired in the garden center at Home Depot too.
So I guess I will be shouldering all the bills alone for at least a couple more months, which I don’t love and it scares me a lot.
I guess I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other until it no longer feels so scary. What other choice do I have, though?
I really wish J were here or that I could feel his presence. That would make everything better somehow. But he’s not and I have to figure it out on my own. And it sucks.