Somehow I made it through today without even taking a nap, which itself feels like its own victory. I’ve been really extra tired lately, which I think is an effect of trying to fight off depression.
It sinks in a little more each day that J’s really gone and I honestly can’t handle that thought at all.
Dylan’s girlfriend Savannah came over for the night (or maybe the next two nights, who knows.) It’s always a little more fun when she’s here and it breaks up the monotony.
She also talked with her dad about doing a marijuana edible or drinking a glass of wine and she got his permission because he knew it would be a safe environment. So I gave her half an edible (of the same strain that I took) and she didn’t react badly. I do hope she’ll tell her dad that I don’t usually have it around though; I don’t want him to get the wrong impression of me.
We’ve got good kids, though. They’re 19 and never really got into drinking and doing drugs and feel safe enough to ask us about it and have us supervise. It could be so much worse (and in fact, the approaches J and I took about our own early experiences were much less safe.)
Yesterday I went with the two of them to the plant store again. We needed more soil to build up our flower bed and the area around our mailbox. I also got some more bricks and some mortar, which I have never used before but I guess I’ll figure it out.
I also got several more succulents (including a couple for Sav) and an indoor house plant, after I carefully vetted that it wouldn’t be poisonous to my cats.
I guess that my newfound interest in gardening is a way to pass the time. There’s something about it that soothes me, too. And Dyl goes absolutely crazy in the plant store. I keep telling him that he should try to work there but I don’t know if he will apply.
I’m basically just hanging out until grad school starts. I also got two applications in to graduate programs for fall, including requesting all my transcripts from undergrad.
I really hope that Texas Woman’s University will have a good program for placements because they’re so much cheaper than Baylor. But I also have to admit that this whole time, I’ve kinda been thinking it would be Baylor, just on the strength of what I’ve read about their placement programs.
I guess now I’m just in the waiting zone, waiting for something to happen. That gives me a lot of time on my hands, which I usually spend either worrying about the kids getting jobs or missing J. It’s not the most fun, that’s for sure.