Yesterday I only woke up for a couple of brief periods. Dylan asked what would feel like comfort food to me and I said sopa de fideos, which he made for me. Chloe even went to the grocery store about a mile from our house, which was good experience for her both with driving and finding grocery items.
Then I went back to bed and just woke up about an hour ago. I ate a fruit cup, a pudding cup, and a Larabar. I guess it was a good thing that my hunger woke me up.
All I know is that my protective denial about losing J is wearing off. I don’t know if it will slowly peel off in layers or what but this also doesn’t feel like I’m getting close to even the root of it yet.
I’m looking at the picture collage across from my bed that I had made of him. At the time that I made the collage, I just thought they were all nice pictures.
Now I can’t look at them without feeling incredibly deeply sad about what I have lost.