Grief comes in waves, indeed

I was just looking through my old pictures to find the massive decluttering we did in my office a while ago. (What even is time anymore?)

I came across so many pictures of J. Sweet pictures, photos of him cuddling the various cats, pictures of us just happy to be together.

And it still doesn’t really seem real that he’s gone. We really did love each other so absolutely. That really was real.

It seems like another lifetime ago, though. It’s hard to believe that only 6 weeks before he died, he was smiling and doing well. We were still able to have sex even, although that increasingly was determined by how well he was feeling.

The end was so fast that I haven’t even had time to process it yet. He went from pretty much fine to dead in about 2.5 weeks. And while I’m grateful that he didn’t have to suffer longer, I just still have that feeling like the rug was yanked out from under me.

He should still be here and he’s not. I’m moving ahead with my life and have good things on my horizon but I would trade it all in a second to have him back.