It feels really strange to say it but there have been some remarkable things that have happened since J’s death, particularly in the past weeks.
I feel so surrounded by support that it can’t possibly be a coincidence. I mean, it just can’t. I know this will sound ludicrous (or at least that’s what Dylan would say, as he’s so scientifically-oriented and is a pretty committed atheist just like J was at the same age) but it feels almost like J has to be working behind the scenes to orchestrate it.
My parents are still visiting and getting to know the kids as adults and we all really like being together. My parents are SO overwhelmingly supportive of all of us in really tangible ways. And we’re all free to express our real selves and they just accept all of it. My mom told me tonight that my kids are all GREAT humans, which is such an honor and a true compliment on J’s and my parenting.
They’re not even trying to convince me to move back to Michigan. My mom says this is clearly where I’m meant to be right now. She’s finding places and even people that she likes here. (But she also says she could never live here herself because it’s too fast-paced.)
My friend Annette, whom I’ve known for 23 years, just moved back from California last month.
My friend Christi, who I’ve previously referred to as “my former best friend” is back in my life and our friendship is totally and completely different now (for the better.)
My friend Meredith from my online parenting group that I’ve known for 20 years is also stepping up to be more of a real-life source of support. We have plans to go together to get pedicures soon and also for her to bring us dinner soon, too.
My nephew Evan, who’s kind of the black sheep among J’s sister’s kids because he broke away from the evangelical way he was raised, exchanged phone numbers with me and Amy and we’ve already had a couple of nice exchanges. He said he could really tell at the service how strong the kids and I are together and described it as something really special. He’s such a cool person in his own right—he has a septum piercing and a sleeve of tattoos and he’s the director of a shelter for homeless men with AIDS. We talked a lot in person about grad school for social work because that’s what I’m going to do and his undergrad degree is in social work.
J’s biological father’s family has now all friended me on FB and they have expressed wanting to get to know us. And they overwhelmingly support the fact that my kids are trans—a bunch of them donated to the Trevor Project in his memory this weekend, so many that my phone kept buzzing with notifications whenever a new donation was made. J’s half-sister told me explicitly that it was a gesture intended to show their total support of my kids.
This really feels like it can’t be just a coincidence. I am choosing to believe that it’s not. I have no idea what I believe about the afterlife. But I can’t help but think that J might have orchestrated something like this when he saw that his mom disowned me and the kids.
He knew we’d need an outpouring of real-life support to help us get by emotionally and it just so happens that all that help is suddenly here.