Is it pointless?

I wonder if there’s really any point to writing my MIL a letter.

I would like to tell her that I never turned J against her, and certainly not from the first year of our marriage like she thought. I would like to remind her that I was friends with her on Facebook and it was she who unfriended me.

I would like to tell her that I didn’t “poison the well” with her grandchildren but that she herself did that. Since we left Michigan in 2014, she only came down here once and made no other effort to know them or keep in contact with them. What kind of relationship are they supposed to have with someone they barely know?

Furthermore, we saw her one other time, when we went to visit J’s sister in Tennessee and MIL still had an additional house there. My kids saw how she treated her mother (J’s grandmother) and determined for themselves that MIL was not a very nice person, particularly in the way she treated her own mother.

She thinks that “J was the only one who loved her and now that he’s gone, she has no obligation to the rest of us.”

That is SO the opposite of what he wanted. He wanted us to remain in contact. He would be so sad and disappointed that she cut us out of her life entirely. He would also be disappointed that all of his efforts to keep the peace with her were ultimately for nothing.

Because she’s a true narcissist, I don’t think anything that I could say would get through to her. She believes that J loved her and none of the rest of us did.

I guess the only real reason to write the letter would be an attempt to let her know that she grossly over-mythologized how much he loved her. It was clearly nowhere like he loved me and the kids.

I suppose I just have to let her keep believing that, no matter how much she has to trash me and the kids in the process.

She doesn’t know anything about unconditional love. She didn’t have any for J, let alone me and the kids. And she certainly doesn’t have it in her marriage, either; she and her husband have had separate bedrooms and separate bank accounts for decades now.

She doesn’t know the kind of love that J and I had or the love we have for our kids. Rather than trying to defend myself (as much as I really wish I could) I just feel sorry for her. She has tons of money but has never truly been loved nor loved anyone else.

1 Comment

  1. SH says:

    She’s lonely through her own continued actions. Ultimately, whatever you say or don’t say will be used by her against you, because she’s so caught up in her narrative.

    Liked by 1 person

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