I lost

I tried to tell the truth about the abuse J experienced growing up and quite simply, I lost.

My sister-in-law asked me to take down the repost of her mother’s words and I, always trying to be nice, did so. I feel like I’ve been played for a sucker, quite frankly. I should have left it up, even if it meant that she wouldn’t come to J’s memorial service.

So meanwhile, my MIL gets to trash me to her friends (including some of our mutual “friends” who aren’t really that mutual because they never even offered me condolences on my loss.) Let me go delete them real quick.

My MIL is saying that she had to cut off me and the kids because we were telling “lies” that J was abused and that I was only after her money. In truth, we lived below the poverty line for many years and NEVER ONCE asked her for help, so what makes her think I am after her money? I truly couldn’t care less about her money.

I am so, so angry. SIL weaponized my sense of forgiveness to get me to shut up about what I know was true. In the end, she is still minimizing the abuse to protect her mom. And I understand that; I do—like J, she just wants to believe that her mom really loves her. She doesn’t want to admit that her mom is incapable of loving anyone.

I feel like my efforts to get justice for J were all for nothing. She still gets to control the narrative and now she has my SIL acting on her behalf too. She will go to her grave without ever facing any consequences for what she knows in her heart that she did to her son. She will get to believe that she did a great job as a mother and nobody will ever call her out on the truth.

She didn’t even really know J at all. She put in next to zero effort to know or understand him. And now she’s cutting off her grandchildren too, as though they weren’t even part of him, when in fact he lived for me and them.

MIL thinks she can just erase the last 35 years of his life, when she should have been in it and wasn’t. She wants to cling to some idealized version of who he was as a kid and that’s so inaccurate. Take away me and the kids and you’re left with almost nothing about who he really was.

She never showed any interest in who he really was or how he was even doing. I’ve looked back at their text messages and even when he was nearing the end of his life, she still always turned the conversation back around to herself.

SIL told me that she asked us for grace for MIL when she was here and we had none. But where was MIL’s effort to show grace to us? Apparently that only went one way. She apparently didn’t notice either that I had disappeared 15 minutes after MIL got here because she upset me so much. I guess MIL gets to say and do whatever she wants and we just have to suck it up and take it or else we’re not showing enough “grace.”

So now all of my MIL’s friends and family get to live with her story about me as being “true,” that I’m a mentally unstable liar and that J was never abused and I only want her money. And I hate hate hate that I can’t do anything to stop it.

Not one of them has even remotely considered the possibility that I might be telling the truth and that disgusts me so much.

She just gets to continue her narcissistic damage and I can’t do anything.

I tried so hard to finally get justice for J and I can’t and that makes me so sick.

1 Comment

  1. SH says:

    The right people would realise something “off” in your MIL’s story. I’m sad you’re experiencing this.

    While my situation is 100% not the same magnitude as yours, I remember the pain of the malicious “discredit the crazy unstable person whom we gave so much charity to” smear campaign from people who called me chosen family after I asserted myself and spoke my truth.

    You are 100% believed by me and all your friends here on WP, and I’m sure a lot of your Medium readers believe you.

    I hope you can get all the support you need. ❤❤


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