My MIL found my Medium post in which I spoke the truth about J’s violently abusive upbringing. Because I posted the link in a public Facebook post, she was able to comment on it and boy did she ever take the lowest possible road.
She essentially called me a mentally unstable, ungrateful, selfish person who was responsible for working J to death because I was so greedy and that I was destroying family memories by lying that J was ever abused. (I can give you the link to the FB post if you want to go gawk at it.)
Oh yeah and she said some slurs about my kids being trans and threatened to sue me if I kept writing “lies” about her and stepFIL, and told me that I would never get a dime from them (like she was ever going to give us anything anyway.) Oh, and we’re dead to her now, too.
She deleted it but luckily I took a screenshot and reposted it. I wanted people to see what she said about me and my kids and what kind of person she was.
First of all, all of the things she described me as were total projection. SHE worked her own husband super hard for many years doing hard physical labor, both on the job (including lots of overtime) then having to come home and do hours more work on either her garden or one of her endless home improvement projects. SHE scammed her own mother out of a lot of money as well, while claiming that she was a poor, suffering caregiver for her mother. SHE is the very definition of greed.
But Amy was in the midst of writing a response to her, my MIL saw it, and deleted the post. (I guess Amy was right that MIL is really a coward.)
But I took a screenshot of MIL’s post and reposted it. Oh no, you don’t get away with saying shit like that to me and then try to pull a dirty delete. No way. I wanted people to see the full narcissism on display.
Amy responded to her point by point and she did a beautiful job. Most importantly, she affirmed that J had told her all about the abuse and in more detail than I gave in my article. She also got in some zingers too, about my MIL’s wealth and how she managed her own mother’s money. And she said that all the things Sue accused me of (like ruining family memories) are things she’s done to herself, which I 100% agree with.
I responded to her too, telling her that Amy had already covered things pretty well, and just affirming that I had been silent about J’s abuse for 28 years out of respect for him. And I know she thought I didn’t like her and it was because I knew what she did to J and it was painful to me not to speak about it. MIL doesn’t understand the concept of having so much respect for your spouse that you’ll keep secrets, let alone ones that significant.
Then, Dylan chimed in too, confirming the abuse and defending me in general.
Both Amy and Dyl had to create Facebook accounts just to post that to her, which I found touching because they’re both pretty anti-FB.
Chloe didn’t chime in because she said she would have been much meaner and called my MIL a serial abuser (also true.) God, I LOVE how fiercely loyal Chloe is to me!
The funny thing is that it’s like there’s some unwritten agreement among J’s family members, like some of his aunts and cousins, that they’re not going to contribute to my GoFundMe or even acknowledge my loss. I don’t know if Sue orchestrated that or what but I do know is that I needed to do it because none of them were going to help me in the first place. It was clear that their only loyalty was to some very outdated vision of J and they had no regard for the survival of me and the kids.
My MIL revealed that she absolutely hated me, which doesn’t surprise me at all but of course it kind of stings. I wanted to believe she would have compassion for me, having lost the great love of my life at far too young an age and not really having the means to support myself. But I’m not surprised that she doesn’t, either. We can all die homeless on the street for all she cares. But she’s just not a person with compassion. The hilarious thing is that she used to post all this delusional stuff on FB about how she was so compassionate and such an empath and just wanted peace, yeah, bullshit.
She really never knew J, always referring to him as “Jason,” which he hated. Only his family and professional contacts called him “Jason.” And it makes me very sad that he tried so hard to make her happy and she never extended even that one small courtesy of acknowledging what he wanted to be called, let alone tried to understand his interests or guiding philosophies.
I am of course worried about his sister, too. She’s next in line for the serial abuse and like J, she wants to preserve the relationship at all costs. I don’t think she would ever cut her off completely and I see her being subject to a lot more abuse because of it.
I can’t save her, of course. I only hope that she’ll see how viciously her mother turned on me and realize that the same could happen to her, too.
I also wonder if she herself has been suppressing the truth of how she was raised and how many times J took beatings for her. I left that out of my article on purpose because Kris and I are trying to have a closer relationship and I didn’t want to drag her into it (plus I’m pretty big on getting permission from people before using their stories, unless I’m exposing the truth.) I know she’s been through “Christian counseling” and has some boundaries she’s been able to establish but it seems like it focused a lot more on forgiveness.
I don’t think that she has been totally honest with herself about how much J suffered, which would be traumatic for anyone to face. And I don’t know if she ever will because it would force her to do something different about her mom, which I don’t think she’s willing to do.
Like I said, I’m sad but not at all surprised. My MIL was never going to give me any money anyway.
And more than that, I would love it if she could just give emotional support, even if no money. All J wanted was unconditional love and she could never give it. Everything always came back down to money. I don’t think she even knows how to give unconditional love. And that makes me really, really sad—J and his sister deserved so much better.