Tough day

I have a long list of things to do and nowhere near enough energy or motivation to do them.

I tried (unsuccessfully, I might add) to take apart the cats’ water fountain. J always did it and I honestly never found out how to do it because I assumed I’d just figure it out.

I finally looked up the instructions online about how to take it all apart. Mind you, I’ve done this part several times before. But what I didn’t do was try to change the filter…and it turns out there wasn’t a filter installed at all in the first place. WTF?

I got it all fixed and installed correctly with a filter …and it still doesn’t work. So I got on Amazon and ordered a different one.

I am just feeling so overwhelmed by everything. The kids aren’t really helping me at all. The house is a wreck and smells like cat pee, which I hate, and I really need to mop the floors.

I still have to get out a few physical thank you cards and a birthday card to my nephew (which will be late) and call Walmart about an order that didn’t show up and call J’s old bank about the fact that he’s dead and finish our taxes and call the IRS and call the Social Security Administration and do a bunch of returns (which I first have to package up and label) and go to the post office and to get an oil change etc etc etc.

Tomorrow I have to see if I can figure out how to clean my furnace ignition switch because it sounds like I’m going to be without heat very soon if I don’t. I at least narrowed down that that’s likely the problem but I have no idea how to fix it or even where to find it. J always did that stuff and I have no idea what I’m doing.

Yeah, if I figure it out and get it fixed by myself, I’ll feel like I fucking ROCK. But it’s just as likely to end up like the cat fountain.

I miss J for so many reasons and fixing stuff is really the least of it. I just want to lie down and sob because this is all so hard. But if I do that, my to-do list will just grow even longer.

Nobody’s helping me with anything (except sometimes Amy.) I can’t come up with dinner ideas anymore because I don’t want to eat. My mother-in-law is actively making my life worse and harder but more about that tomorrow. The kids seem to have regressed to about age 15. I just can’t do this anymore.

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