I got a lot done today.
First, I went to my dentist for a cleaning and a consultation about whether or not I’d need a new bridge. My current dental bridge is about 15 years old and they’re only supposed to last about 10. I’ve been planning since last year that I’d have to get my bridge replaced (which with insurance is almost $2000.)
But it turned out that I didn’t need it yet, much to my surprise.
And then I heard from J’s boss and they’re sending me the money they raised for me, which is roughly $4500. That makes me relax considerably.
AND it turned out that it took so long because J’s boss was out with Covid for most of January. I lived in mortal terror of J getting Covid at work and he came so close to actually doing so.
I also realized that I think I still have to pursue grad school for being a therapist. Otherwise, I really have nothing to look forward to for the whole rest of my life. Yes, I’ll get to see my kids grow up and that’s worth something but I can still do that if I become a therapist, too.
My parents are telling me not to give up on disability and the student loan forgiveness. While those safety nets are worth something, they’re not enough. I would go from being dependent on my husband to being dependent on my daughter. And while I’m lucky to have that option, it’s not one I particularly like. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet and take care of myself.
I sorta feel like my parents are saying this is the best I can do. And I just don’t agree.
J knew I wanted to do this and asked me not to begin a grad program while he was alive, which was good advice. I wouldn’t trade the moments I had taking care of him for anything.
But I think we both knew that it was something I was going to do eventually. And the fact of the matter is that I don’t enjoy freelancing enough to make it a full-time career.
I know I have his blessing if I do it and that’s all that really matters to me.