The blehs continue

Today was…okay, I guess. That’s the best thing I can say about it.

Dylan and I went to Costco to pick up our new glasses and we stopped at Whataburger on the way home, which took forever (as it usually does.)

Then I finally got to talk to my mom for my birthday, which was pretty nice too. She told me in her card that my grandma (her mom, the grandma I always liked) actually picked out my name, which was the first I’d ever heard of that story. And even if she picked my name for kind of a cheesy reason (I was due in winter so she thought Holly was appropriate) it made me like my name more when I found out that my “good grandma” chose it for me.

For what it’s worth, I call her my “good grandma” because she always really supported me in gentle parenting. I felt like she really got what I was trying to do with the kids and always seemed to back me up.

I guess if there’s a heaven (which I kinda doubt there is) maybe J’s hanging out with my good grandma sometimes. That’s a comforting thought, even if it seems unlikely.

Maybe he’s getting lots of cuddles from my cat Cammy, who died a few years ago. That’s really comforting, too.

Chloe took out J’s old car today (which is now hers) for the first time since he died. I wanted to make sure it would still run well despite sitting for so long. And I also wanted her to re-familiarize herself with driving again.

The good news is that the car ran fine and she really enjoyed driving. So she’s going to start going to some of her appointments on her own and I won’t have to drive. Yay!!

She also made me a very sweet birthday card that she gave me. In it, she said it’s about time for her to step up and help take care of me. Not in the sense that I can’t take care of myself but more in the sense that she sees how hard I’ve been working for years and she really wants me to get some time to relax.

Meanwhile, I never did get a birthday card from my MIL, and I never got a response to my text in which I offered an olive branch either. I feel like she’s spit in my face.

I honestly can’t comprehend her mindset, what would make her just so abruptly act like the kids and I have ceased to exist. Yes, it makes me angry, but it also makes me really sad too.

I asked my mom if the tables were switched and I were the one who died of cancer instead if she would have been in regular contact with J and the kids to make sure they were okay without me and she said of course (which I knew she would.)

I just really can’t comprehend my MIL at all. As far as I can tell, she doesn’t give a fuck what happens to us. She knows that I’m on disability and that I don’t get J’s survivor benefits for two years…and doesn’t seem to care at all.

I know J tried his entire life to keep the peace with her and it just makes me sad and sick that she is far worse than he ever wanted to believe.

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