Another day of bleh

The good news about yesterday was that Chloe and Dylan got the rest of the leaves in the front yard raked up. They were on a serious time deadline because there was a massive winter storm moving in and I know from experience that if the leaves don’t get raked up before it rains, they get all moldy and kill the lawn.

They got the last bag filled up just as it started to rain, so just in time.

I wonder if they had any thoughts about their refusal to do the exact same task in the past. I hope so. They have always refused to do any yard work, leaving it to either me or J instead (and yes, even while J was on chemo.) I won’t lie: I kinda hope they feel a little bad about it now.

I also texted Amy yesterday morning and she knew right where the card box was, which was a huge relief to me. And when she comes over for my birthday this weekend, she’ll look through the attic for the older cards from J (unless Chloe does it first, which she might.)

Still, I slept most of the day. The weather sucked and I had spent the previous couple of days preparing for the storm. Tomorrow may or may not be the same way.

I know I’m depressed right now. I just don’t see any reason to get up. It’s honestly really hard for me to be alive right now.

I went in for my annual physical recently and all my blood work came back great. My blood sugar is only very slightly elevated but nowhere near what would be in the range of diabetic (and I’m at higher risk for that because I had gestational diabetes during my pregnancy with Dylan.) And it’s better than it was a couple of years ago.

My cholesterol is good. Even my HDL (??) is finally well above 40, which reduces my risk of having a heart attack. And my vitamin D is above 50 for literally the first time in my life (it’s usually barely in the double digits.)

So by all accounts, I’m perfectly healthy, the healthiest I’ve been in years, maybe decades. I kind of wish it weren’t the case because that means I have to learn how to live without J for that much longer.

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