The future

I don’t know what I’m going to do in the future but it looks increasingly likely that I will just end up moving to Denton. The advantage to that is that it’s where Amy lives. It’s also a pretty cool town in its own right. (For example, I found out last night that Denton was the only county in the whole US that voted for Bernie Sanders. I think I would fit in well there.)

I talked to Dylan last night about what he thought of me moving to either the Pacific Northwest or Mexico and the look on his face when I asked that made me want to cry. I felt like such an asshole for even bringing it up and I immediately wished I could take back those words.

He said that Texas is his home and he’s not going to leave it. The idea of starting over where he doesn’t know anyone is the worst thing he can imagine at this point in his life.

How could I not realize that would be the worst thing possible for him? He didn’t ask me that; I’m asking it of myself. Especially right now, as he just lost his dad and is feeling lost about his life in general.

I swear, sometimes I’m just talking out of my ass. I talked earlier about it with Chloe and it didn’t upset her at all. Like me, she gets itchy feet sometimes and sees all the reasons to want to leave Texas, maybe even the country.

But such discussions aren’t casual to Dyl; they’re terrifying.

I really, really need to be more mindful of him going forward. He’s dealing with a lot right now and the last thing he needs is to feel like I’m not a stable home base for him.

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