The procedure

I’m trying to raise awareness about colon cancer by talking about it. A lot of people really don’t talk about it, seeming to think it’s embarrassing or shameful because it’s about our butts.

So I went in for a colonoscopy yesterday. I have to say that the prep wasn’t exactly fun but it also wasn’t nightmarishly horrible, either.

The good news is that the results came back clear—no polyps or anything. And now I don’t have to go through that again for 10 more years.

The sad part is that I realized that the chances are slim that J will still be here to take me to my next one and I’ll have to find someone else to take me. I don’t even know who that will be because I can’t see 10 years into the future. I think that’s one of the hardest aspects of J’s cancer; it just takes away so much of my ability to plan and daydream about the future.

I also realized that I was apparently more worried about the colonoscopy than I thought, because the first thing that I remember saying as I woke up from anesthesia was, “thank God I don’t have colon cancer like my husband!”

But I’ve always kinda known that my health risks are more likely to be related to my heart than to cancer, just based on my own past symptoms and family history. That’s certainly not to say that cancer is impossible and I still get screenings for it, just that I know my heart is more likely to get me.

I’ve had a number of screenings related to my heart health and they’ve all come back good. But that’s little reassurance since when my mom had her heart attack in her early 50s, the doctor who operated on her said her veins were clear, too.

I still strongly suspect that she has the same neurological issue that I do and has just never been diagnosed because the doctors in that town suck so much. So I try to get the screenings I can and hope that my lifestyle differences will make a difference (namely, she was a heavy smoker and still drinks a lot.) But I don’t ultimately know if any of my lifestyle habits will save me.

In the meantime, I’m really worried about my husband. He’s taking Norco around the clock now and it’s not helping his pain. He’s also taking Zofran for nausea on days that he’s not on chemo. These just really don’t seem like good signs.

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