Living with mental illness

I don’t honestly know if what’s going on with me lately is due to mental illness or not. Lately, I just feel like I can’t get my shit together at all.

I have so many things that I want and need to do. Put the lights on the Christmas tree. Rinse off the liner that goes under the litter box in my office (which has to be done outdoors so the litter won’t clog our drains.)

Both of these tasks I know I am avoiding because I’ve never put up Christmas lights on a large tree before and I have never once turned on the outside faucet. (In fact, I only have a vague idea of where it even is.)

I need to break down a lot of boxes for recycling. I have to clean up my bedroom and bathroom, which are piled with enough stuff that it embarrasses even me.

I need to take a bag of stuff to Goodwill and another bag of stuff to the women’s shelter (which is only open until 4.)

I also need to list stuff on eBay but I don’t know if any of it absorbed the smell of cat pee from being in my office, so I’m letting it air out in my bedroom.

All this stuff is probably a sign of extremely poor executive functioning. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and I know it’s a real problem that I have but I tried taking ADHD meds and they didn’t help.

I feel like probably most of what I have to do could be done in a couple of days if only I could focus on it and just get shit done already. But these tasks feel so monumental and I don’t even know where to start.

I have plenty of other stuff that I have to do and did do, like taking Chloe to laser hair removal and scheduling an eye exam for her and scheduling Covid booster shots for both of us and feeding Dylan’s cat and scooping the litter boxes and washing the dishes.

But doing just those things can’t be enough; I have to juggle more. And I’m not doing well with it. It’s like I only have so much capacity and it’s never enough to get everything done.

I’m honestly really ashamed of myself for letting it get this out of control.

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