Yesterday was a pretty boring Halloween as all things go. We had very few trick-or-treaters, even less than last year. That was kind of surprising because the weather was really nice for it. I’ve got an article started for Medium about it but didn’t get much done on it.

I haven’t done any significant work in the past two days, which is unusual and pretty remarkable. I know I’ll have more work tomorrow. But I just wasted my “time off” and I feel incredibly guilty for not being more productive with it.

I want to get stuff listed on eBay and didn’t do any of that. I want to clean my bedroom and organize my clothes and didn’t do that either. I don’t know why I’m just being so lazy lately.

I do know that part of it is that J’s on chemo this weekend, which always makes me feel out of sorts. He usually sleeps a lot on chemo weekends and often I do, too. I don’t know what’s up with that but I find it very hard to resist.

I have therapy tomorrow and a psych appointment sometime this week. (Maybe Tuesday? I should probably check.) The meds I’m currently on really aren’t working for me at all. The Abilify is still making me spend more money and I really need to stop that.

I know if I could just exercise, it would be more effective than any psych meds. But I’m trapped in a loop of just thinking about it but not doing anything about it.

Basically, I just have no motivation to do anything and I don’t know why. But maybe just holding myself somewhat together is enough for right now and I’m expecting too much of myself? I really don’t know.

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