Despite all the obstacles in my way, I still really want to become a therapist.
I know it will make me get kicked off disability, which my parents think is an absolutely terrible idea. They say that if I get off of it, I’ll never get back on it again (which sounds like presuming I’ll fail, but maybe my interpretation is wrong.)
They see it as better to settle for disability, J’s survivor benefits, and having my student loans forgiven. And even I have to admit that those things are valuable.
But (you knew there had to be a “but”) I still really dream of doing it anyway. Yes, even though I would have to pay back student loans and even take on more.
I feel like I am really meant to do this. I’ve been thinking about it for at least 5 years. The more I educate myself about it, the more right it seems for me.
I don’t want to think that the entire rest of my whole life has to be made smaller to fit within the framework of disability.
I’m trying really, really hard to imagine a future for myself once J’s gone in which I have a reason to live other than that my kids and cats will need me around.
There are still so many places I haven’t seen yet. I might not necessarily be poor for the rest of my life. It just feels like staying on disability is depressing.
Who knows, though? Maybe I’ll find something else to do with my time that will be fulfilling and won’t get me kicked off disability. But for now, let me dream about other options.