Back from visiting my son

J and I drove down to visit our son at college yesterday. It was really, really good.

I determined first of all that he doesn’t really want to drop out; he’s just tired of not feeling well. I certainly don’t blame him for that.

We took him a bunch of stuff and got him more while we were there. I also picked up dinner for us and had it delivered to his dorm so he didn’t have to go out. I made just the right choice (pasta with grilled chicken and veggies) and he slowly ate most of it while we were there. He said that doing so made him feel a lot better. ❤️

Then he took us on a walk to show us some of his favorite places on campus. It was really cool seeing what his life is like there and I was honored to be able to see it. TBH, I can’t picture my parents having done the same for me if I’d gone away to college.

Hell, I’m still annoyed 14 years later that my mom stood up during my graduation ceremony and applauded for herself when they called out the family that supported us to stand. Apparently, she doesn’t remember that I had to take out extra loans to cover childcare because she was able but unwilling to do it for just 5 hours a week. And there’s also the fact that anytime I told her I was struggling, she always said, “you could just drop out.”

But anyway. I digress.

I’m determined to NOT be that kind of parent. He needs money, he needs medication, he needs us to drive six hours round-trip to see him—you’d better believe we’ll do it!

He was so happy to see us that he even got a little emotional. It was just good, all around.

He wants me to cancel the appointment with the dean about early withdrawal and give himself a chance to get better.

He’s already made friends there that he says he would miss, which I think is significant.

He’s torn between wanting a “gap year” (knowing that it might be permanent) and between wanting to stick it out at school. I’m actually relieved to hear that so much of him still wants to stick it out.

He walked *33 miles* last week, which is just phenomenal. He has to walk a lot to his classes but he also just spends a lot of time just walking for leisure. He took a lot of walks at home, so I’m not surprised.

He’s really torn between loving the opportunities he’s getting and the people he’s meeting and not feeling ready to grow up yet. I can understand that, even if it wasn’t my experience. My parents basically kicked me out and I never once missed them. The difference here is that he actually DOES miss us.

I’m hoping that with time, he’ll start feeling better and will want to stay there. He also said that his girlfriend mentioned getting together with me soon and I hope she does.

I tentatively hope things will end up okay. Seeing him made me feel a lot more confident about that. And he also said he wants to call home more often, and I totally support that, too.

1 Comment

  1. He definitely seems to feel supported by J and you and that’s a huge plus. You deserved a better mum. It’s probably a good thing that he wants to stick it out – a gap year can be great but all of my siblings and I pretty much floundered after polytechnic or university. 1 year for me, several years for them.

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