I’ve been taking advantage of not needing as much sleep lately. I seem to be getting more “spoons” and I’m really grateful for that. I feel all around a lot more competent.
But I’m still wondering what to do next. I’m still disabled, though functioning at a higher level than before.
I am trying to exercise more, which helps.
But I don’t know what to do with my career. I don’t know if I should go back to grad school and try again. Maybe the third time will be the charm.
I would still love to be a therapist. I do worry a little bit about whether my self-care practices are strong enough to do that job.
I don’t know what to do about my writing, either. I still have almost zero motivation to do it. But on the other hand, I also feel like maybe I could really make something of myself if I put in the effort.
I no longer feel like I’m destined to spend the rest of my life alone with nothing to fill my days. I could still become like one of the writers I admire who have friends and a following. But I’m obviously not going to get there by being unmotivated.
At least one issue is more or less settled: my husband no longer wants to move to a walkable neighborhood in Dallas like Oak Lawn. Yes, it’s very LGBT-friendly and we would be surrounded by more people like us. But as he put it, there’s some value in “poisoning the well” where we are now and contributing to turning this area blue. It’s already starting to happen.
I honestly really like it where we live now. Our landlord hasn’t raised our rent in 5 years, so we’re now paying well below the market rate. And let’s face it: neither of us really wants to move anytime soon, especially because we would have to downsize so much.
If I were to get a two-bedroom apartment somewhere, it would probably cost more than we’re paying for a 4-bedroom house. Right now there are only 3 of us living here, though that can change (especially when my youngest comes home on breaks.)
I guess I was feeling more unsettled than I thought with not knowing if we’d be moving. Knowing that I’m staying put gives me a sense of stability that I really need right now.