Med switch again…and trying to look forward

I started back on Zoloft today and reduced my Pristiq dosage. Reducing the Pristiq is not fun in terms of side effects but increasing it was definitely not the right answer.

I have an appointment with my psych nurse practitioner at UTSW tomorrow; she was able to get me in sooner than October 4th after all. I’m not sure if she’ll just put me on Zoloft or if she will recommend something else in addition.

Honestly, there have been several times this week that I seriously thought about going back on Abilify because I know that would make all the hell in my brain go away. But I honestly can’t risk getting so out of control with my spending again.

I’m trying to look ahead to the future and find something to be optimistic about. Honestly, right now (probably because of the depression) it all looks so bleak.

My kids are all moving on with their lives, as they should be. But my husband isn’t going to be around forever, even if the end date is unknown. I don’t know if I’ll be one of those people who dies of heart disease shortly after losing their spouse.

I don’t want that to be me. But at the same time, right now I don’t feel a lot of motivation to try to avoid that, either.

I guess that’s something I have to figure out in the next couple of years: what is my reason to go on without J? Right now, I don’t really have one.

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