Still here and still hanging on.
I had a really good appointment with my therapist yesterday. She had me do some yoga-inspired breathing techniques and I just broke down and cried. I think I really needed to cry and I almost never let myself do it.
I just cried about how unfair it is that my husband has cancer and that my best friend—my youngest son—moved away. Strangely enough, once I was able to cry, I did feel better. And it’s a nice contrast to my last therapist, who I saw for months and never once cried.
I’m still in a creative dry spell and it’s all I can do just to keep up with my regular work. I did pick up some extra work that’s a bit outside of my normal wheelhouse; it’s marketing writing. But it pays $50 an hour so I’m going to give it a shot and even plan to wake up early tomorrow to finish it.
I’m really grateful that I have the skills that I should be able to write something at least passable, and if I do a good job on it, there will be more work where that came from.
Adam and I are doing somewhat well with taking over the cooking in Dylan’s absence, though what we’re having is much less fancy than what Dyl cooked for us. (The bright side is that it’s also a lot cheaper than what he cooked for us.)
Adam decided she’s going to postpone getting her medical assistant certificate until after her legal name and gender change. She’s thinking about trying to get hired at Starbucks in the meantime, as they’re a very trans-friendly employer. I think that would be really good for her.
She doesn’t want to get a car of her own because maintenance and insurance are too expensive. But she’s just passing those expenses on to me instead, which I don’t think is right. But I’ll probably drive her to work and back until she gets her medical assisting certification. By then, she’ll be making enough money that she can afford it herself.
Later this week, when my work slows down a little, I’m going to try to go over my budget more closely and figure out how to plug up all the holes in it so we can really start saving more money.
I talked to my mom a couple of days ago about not knowing what I’d do when J dies and she quickly changed the subject to my cats. I know she doesn’t really care about my cats and just wanted to change the subject. And that’s fine with me. I just hope she isn’t thinking that I will want to move back to Michigan after I lose J.
I might want to move but I still don’t want to go back to Michigan. But I’ll figure out later where I want to go instead (if anywhere…I might just stay where I am and have super-cheap rent, especially if Adam’s working and paying rent.)
Crying in the presence of a compassionate person can really help. ❤