Four days left

Four days left until my son leaves for college. It’s really hitting both of us a lot right now. I made him some chocolate chip cookies last night at his request. It felt like one last thing I could do for him for old time’s sake. I used to do a lot of baking for the kids, including making all their snacks for their lunches until they moved down here.

I’m still worried about my husband. He is still having a lot of trouble sleeping because he’s in so much pain. I know that the pain isn’t caused by the cancer but that doesn’t really make a difference to me and how I perceive it. All I know is that he doesn’t deserve to suffer like he is. And I’ll be honest that it reminds me of what is still to come.

A friend recently reminded me of the importance of cleaning out our dryer vents and he got the supplies to do it today. But he was also talking about how much he dreaded it and how much work it would require, so I got online and ordered a Groupon to have someone else do it. I hope that will make a difference for him. Already he seems unwilling to let someone else do the work, though, because he expressed concerns about whether or not the person I hired would do as good of a job as he would.

I’m slowly accepting that he isn’t always going to be around and able to do things for me. Maybe that’s why he expressed concern that someone else wouldn’t be able to do as good of a job as he could. Maybe he doesn’t want to admit that he’s as exhausted as he is, and I don’t blame him for that.

He’s getting his vaccine booster shot on Friday, so that may put him out of commission this weekend. This weekend is also going to be our last before Dyl moves out. Lots of big, complicated feelings here.