Mental health struggles

I’m hopelessly unmotivated and stuck lately. I don’t know why, which means I also don’t know how to get out of it either.

It might be due to the medication switch. My family doctor wanted me to taper down on the Pristiq while simultaneously also starting Zoloft. I kinda just stopped the Zoloft last week, mainly because one of the most common side effects is inability to orgasm and I really don’t want that to happen.

I’m also taking Sam-e, a supplement that I remember working pretty well for me before, but it takes a long time to start working.

Long story short, I feel pretty unmedicated, and that also means that I think my depression is coming back, too. In truth, I haven’t been properly medicated since I stopped taking the 5mg of Abilify; I’m realizing that Pristiq really doesn’t do anything for me.

But I don’t think I like this, either. I definitely don’t have anything interesting to write about on Medium. I have tons and tons of stuff to list on eBay and can’t get motivated to list any of it. I haven’t even gone to the post office and I really need to.

I’m just kind of existing. On the one hand, I’m not dwelling too much on the painful facts of my life. I can still find moments of gratitude, it’s just harder.

Everything feels flat and grey and boring. I need to make a change somehow. Maybe I’ll start back up with the Zoloft and see what happens.

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