Another day

It’s just another day. My husband is on chemo and that is what it is. It honestly sucks but much more so for him than for me. And I know that he’s taking chemo to try to be here with me and our kids longer. So I can’t really complain but at the same time, it doesn’t make it easier to deal with, either.

I saw a purse that I’ve had my eye on for a while and of course I got a notification that they have it on sale for about 25 percent off. I was really tempted by it, even though I just got a new purse two weeks ago (!!!) which I really love. And also, the new one that’s caught my eye is a tote style, which is honestly too big for me.

I mentioned it to J and showed it to him and he asked if purses are my new coping mechanism for when he’s on chemo, since I just got my most recent one when he was on chemo last time. I think he may be right, which made it easier to pass this one by.

Dyl goes away to college in less than a month. Amy and her boyfriend will likely be moving out sometime around then, too. And that just already sounds so lonely, even though they’re of an appropriate age (or even beyond) to do so.

I’m excited for their adventures but also so lonesome for myself. Doesn’t that sound kinda pathetic? But I have given them my all (even when I knew it still wasn’t enough) and now it’s time for my role to end, or at least become much less primary. I can’t help but feel a little sad.

The one bit of good news is that my husband has his next scans next week and if they come back good, he might try to delay his chemo by a week so that he won’t be sick when we’re moving Dylan into the dorms.

I actually do think his scans are going to be okay. I just do. I know we both got really freaked out by his recurrence but that doesn’t really mean anything. I spent some time last night reading about other people who were diagnosed stage IV as far back as 2009 and they’re still here.

I’m hoping that eventually I’ll get more used to having him on chemo and that years from now, he’ll still be here and I worried for nothing.

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