There’s no way to write about this without being kind of PG-rated so I apologize in advance for that (although I won’t include unnecessary details, either.)
J came home from work yesterday in a very sweet and kind mood (and even brought me my new favorite coffee drink from my new favorite coffee shop.) He said that he’d had trouble sleeping the night before and got to thinking about what we talked about. He felt like I was too hard on myself regarding the issues we discussed.
He said that as he thought about it, though it seemed at the time like the amount of previous sexual experience I’d had was significant, in reality, I didn’t know much more than a virgin due to the amount of trauma I’d experienced. All of my previous experiences were of things being done to me, even on the occasions when I was a willing participant.
For the first time in our 28 years together, he finally understood just how broken I was when we got together. At the time, he took me at face value, which was all bravado and posturing, but he now realizes that I was just as lost and fucked up as he was.
So he devised a plan to try to explore what I actually like, but we ended up surpassing several of what were supposed to be a series of lessons in one night.
The end result (and this is the PG part) is that I ended up experiencing having multiple orgasms in one night. I had never been able to do that before. They just didn’t stop. (Giggle.) Given that the fact that I was 47 before experiencing this and that seems really late in life, I truly believed it just wasn’t something I was capable of and would never experience.
Rather than feeling like it took too long to get here or regretting the past, he felt like he had finally climbed a mountain and had a real feeling of accomplishment. Honestly, I feel the same way.
We spent the first 27 years of our marriage believing that we were just sexually incompatible. But in reality, we both wanted the same things. That doesn’t mean that we wanted to engage in the same sexual practices, necessarily—more that we both looked to sex for validation and affirmation. But because we were both looking for that, we also couldn’t give it to each other.
27 years into this marriage, we’ve finally tackled the biggest hurdle that has plagued our marriage since the beginning. I honestly didn’t think it would ever be fixed before he died and that made me so incredibly sad.
It turns out that what we needed was some exceptionally honest communication and being mature enough to look to serve each other’s emotional needs. In the beginning, I think we were both much too broken to be of much help to each other.
I really look forward to what the rest of our marriage will be like, now that we’ve fixed something so substantial. I now have an additional reason (on top of all the ones I already had) to hope that he lives for a very, very long time.