New beginnings and grieving

The interesting thing is that life goes on, even in the middle of grief.

I’m discovering that I am just now finally beginning to really come to terms with my husband’s diagnosis and accept that it’s real, with all that entails.

You might wonder (or at least I did) how he could have been diagnosed two years ago and I’m just now emotionally dealing with it. All I can say about that is that my power of denial is very, very strong (and so is my optimism, honestly.)

I don’t know why it was my friend’s husband’s recurrence and very shortened remaining lifespan that broke through to me. But it’s the only thing that has really made it real to me. So I’m now going through a lot of the despair that my husband already felt when he was first diagnosed. He tells me it lasted a couple of weeks for him. (Don’t worry; I don’t plan on writing about it much.)

But meanwhile, life goes on. My oldest daughter is planning on moving out in the next couple of months and she will be taking her cat Zoe with her. In an odd way, I’m more sad about Zoe moving out. My daughter is at a perfectly normal age to move out.

But we’ve all bonded really well with Zoe. I knew I’d have to adopt a kitten when Zoe leaves, because my other cat Roshi is so very social and our other cats are too old and grumpy to become friends with him (though he never stops trying, bless his heart.)

I didn’t expect to get another kitten before she moves out but it appears that one may have fallen in my lap. A friend of mine found a very young kitten and took it to the Dallas animal shelter before I could get it from her. But now I’m trying to get that kitten from the shelter.

Interestingly, because it’s so young, I’d have to be approved to foster kittens. That’s something I’ve thought about for a while (though my husband is probably right that I wouldn’t want to give up any of the cats I foster.) But apparently, the process to get approved to foster cats is much simpler than I thought.

This led to something else very interesting. I told J he could have 100% control of naming the kitten. I mostly joked that I was worried about the name he’d pick because he wanted to name Adam Andromeda if they had been born a girl.

I mentioned that to some people, all of whom said Andromeda was a beautiful name, which made me look at it in a different light.

I talked to Adam about it and suggested they revisit the name, giving the idea that they could go by Anna for short. And surprisingly, they actually really liked it, both because of it’s science-y connotations and because of the Greek mythology references.

And of course, there’s the fact that it’s the name J picked out. It’s interesting that if they do choose to use that name, both of my trans daughters will have chosen the names we would have given them had they been born female. I don’t think that’s very common but it feels like a sign of respect.

I don’t know yet if that’s the name they’ll stick with, but I actually kinda hope it is. It seems like it would be fitting.

5 Comments

  1. My Christian name was literally given to me as a complete afterthought after my twin brother’s Christian name. Feminine version of the same name.

    I liked the meaning but how it was carelessly given to me really bothered me. Especially as my twin brother doesn’t embody those values (in the meaning of the name) at all.

    When my current friends heard the story after I came out as non-binary, they suggested a shortened version for me to reclaim. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “both of my trans daughters will have chosen the names we would have given them had they been born female”

    Testament to you and J’s parenting, in my opinion! ❤. Since they both obviously have a good relationship with you both.

    Liked by 1 person

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