Yesterday was my 27th wedding anniversary. It was a great day all around and I really enjoyed my husband’s company.
He bought me an anniversary band to go with my wedding set. I bought him a guitar. We normally exchange smaller gifts for our anniversary—usually we each try to stick to a $50 limit. (Though we both usually overspend on each other.)
It was really sweet because when he presented me with the ring, he went down on one knee—a reference to the fact that I never got that kind of proposal the first time.
Then we went out to eat in Dallas, our first time in a restaurant since March 2020. It was just really lovely.
As we were leaving Dallas, we took a highway exit and came up on an awe-inspiring view of city lights surrounding us on all sides. I asked him something like, “Ah, don’t you just love that?” And he said, “Probably even more than you do.”
So I guess we’re back on the plan to try to move to Dallas at some point. We could actually buy a 2-bedroom condo for less than it costs to rent our current house. But of course, we have two major factors that will both take a while to work on: saving up a down payment and closing costs and getting at least two of our three kids to be independent. (I suspect that my middle child will live at home the longest, if current trends are any indication.)
There’s also the fact of the matter that we don’t really know how long J will be around. This is one of those instances where we just have to assume that he’s not going anywhere any time soon and keep working away at it. At least until his health says otherwise, that’s all we can do.
I’m thinking that the next article I may write for Medium might be about how much I’ve learned to live in the moment as a result of both my disability and my husband’s cancer. You might not be able to tell it as much based on what I write here because this is where I also write about my worries, too. But for the most part, I really have learned to live in the moment.
It’s kinda funny because at one point in time, I was a lot more of a control freak. That’s gradually diminished as I’ve gotten older anyway but has rapidly accelerated since getting approved for disability and my husband’s diagnosis. I got approved for disability the day after he came home from the hospital, so it’s really hard to tell which had a more profound effect.
All I know is that I used to be pretty uptight and now I’m really not. My youngest, in particular, describes me as “pretty chill.” There was definitely a time when that’s not how people would describe me.
Maybe it’s just because I no longer have to try to hustle and make money. Or maybe it’s because I know that we’re not guaranteed anything, including time. But instead of feeling panicky about that, it just feels like I’m riding a wave and I’ll see where it takes me. Being chill is a lot better than being uptight.