Dreaming of other places

I could very well end up staying in Texas for the rest of my life but I like dreaming of other places.

I thought that Prague sounded perfect for me when I read the descriptions of the local culture. As a bonus, it’s about 30 percent cheaper than the US.

But then I read about the weather there. They get snow and most days are partly cloudy—just like my hometown. So that’s probably off the table for anything other than a visit.

Yet there are still lots of places in the world where I haven’t been. A lot of the countries in South America are also cheap, have welcoming cultures, and have mild and sunny weather.

Between this and yesterday’s post about wanting to try psychedelics, you may be wondering what’s up with me lately. Is this the midlife crisis I’ve been waiting for?

I don’t think it is, though I could be wrong. I just feel like there are still so many things I haven’t done and so many places I’ve never seen. Even though I’m kind of a homebody (as someone who needs a lot of sleep tends to be), I also feel like I’m getting less boring as I get older.

Part of it may be that my youngest child’s last day of high school is tomorrow and part of me feels like I’m finally free. That’s not to say that I don’t think the kids will need me anymore or that I won’t need them. But instead I feel liberated from what people expect of me. I’m certain that being on permanent disability also plays a major role in that; I would probably feel more constrained if I had to show up to an office every day.

It’s just kind of funny that I noticed today that the amount of grey in my hair is getting a lot more noticeable, while at the same time, the rest of me is starting to become more invisible. And instead of bemoaning my loss of youth or desperately trying to stay in the spotlight, I’m actually kind of relishing this invisibility.

I can write about whatever I want. My kids know me as being pretty critical of capitalism. I don’t really belong to any organizations or support any dogmas. I am ferociously willing to fight for my transgender kids and for the belief that Black Lives Matter.

By my own definitions, I think I’m actually becoming much cooler as I get older. It was so much work to try to be sexy and “cool” and keep up with trends, and I never really succeeded at that, anyway.

Now, I’m a lot more comfortable in my own skin and I’m a lot more unapologetic about what I stand for. I look forward to the adventures I may still have.

I wonder if all older women have this same secret badass side that nobody really knows about because they never notice?

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