Finding normal when nothing is

Despite what you might assume, the day-to-day matters of life go on mostly as normal when you have a family member with terminal cancer. It’s not a topic we discuss around the dinner table, though it’s also not a secret.

We are very fortunate for sure that my husband is still able to hold down a full-time job. I am very grateful, however, that he finally has a job that pays well enough that he doesn’t have to have a second job, which he’s done a few times over the years. If it were necessary, he might still try to do it anyway because that’s the level of commitment he has to our family, but it would be unimaginably hard on him now.

But even despite the grim facts of his cancer and life on chemo, life still has to go on as normal. There are still bills to be paid and chores to be done and things we need to do for the kids.

We were talking yesterday about concerts and I said that I regretted making him go with me to one concert that was on the day he got disconnected from the chemo pump. Those days are always extremely physically difficult on him as it is. I tried lining up a friend to go with me instead but those plans fell through. I was going to just go alone but he insisted that he could do it with me.

I’ve felt so guilty since then about dragging him out when he clearly wasn’t feeling well. I worried about him the entire time. But he told me that I shouldn’t feel guilty anymore and if he’s going to miss out on stuff, what’s the point of even taking the chemo?

Life has to go on as much as normal, with or without cancer and chemo. For certain, the chemo makes things much more difficult for him. But I really admire his willingness to do it anyway. I can’t really imagine the strength that would require.

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