Wash out

Well, I guess my attempt to work full-time with disability failed already. Even though I allowed myself eight hours of sleep, I still couldn’t wake up on time for work today. I ended up sleeping 12 hours.

I told my mom and she said it was likely due to all the stress of the technical problems I had on the job (none of which were my fault.) She also commended me for even trying to get off disability because she said most people wouldn’t even try. (I’m not sure if that’s true or not; I choose to believe that most people on disability are like me and don’t want to stay on it.)

So now I have to regroup and figure out what to do next.

Ultimately, I think I’ll still be okay in the future because I’ll get J’s survivor benefits at age 50, plus my disability. That will equal about what this job paid anyway, but it’s still not a LOT. But I think it will be enough to allow me to survive at a modest standard.

I’m disappointed because I wanted it to work out. I also wanted to be able to save enough money to help my youngest with his living expenses at college next year.

But I tried. I hung in there despite all the technical problems I had with the job, even though every day those technical problems made me want to say “screw it” and walk away. I didn’t give up. But I guess I really do have a real disability, despite the fact that I wish I didn’t.


  1. skinnyhobbit says:

    You did your best and you are not a lesser person for being disabled.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Holly says:

      Thank you. I need that reminder sometimes because I feel so driven to do a lot more.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. skinnyhobbit says:

        Hugs. ❤ I’ve a similar work ethic although for the past 2 years, I’ve been too unwell to work. We have to learn to enjoy rest and recreation, for their own sakes, not just because it recharges us to do stuff.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Holly says:

        Tbh that’s really hard for me to do still but I’m working on it.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. skinnyhobbit says:

        Cheering you on ❤

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s