Calming down

At last, I feel a sense of relief, that I truly believe things might be okay for me after my husband’s gone (aside, of course, from the emotional aspects, in which I probably won’t be okay for a long time.)

Today, I found out that my husband should be able to get a loan in his name that would wipe out all my credit card debt. The interest rate is substantially better than mine on the cards and the total payment would be less than I’m paying now (though keeping in mind that I’ve been paying more than the minimum payments for quite a while.) I could take some of the extra I’ve been paying and put it toward my private student loan debt.

I truly believe that he’ll still be around long enough for me to pay off this loan (three years.) But in the worst-case scenario, if he’s not, I wouldn’t be responsible for the debt. It’s possibly one of the best things that he could do to prepare me for a more stable future (even if it is bailing my ass out from all the credit card debt I racked up while taking Abilify.)

I’m looking more seriously at maybe moving to Oklahoma City after he’s gone. As I mentioned previously, it has a lot of advantages over Texas. And housing prices and property taxes are still low enough that (assuming it stays the same), I could buy a modest house. Quite simply, I think I’ve just been priced out of where I live now.

As for the job, I’m not sure yet if it’s going to work out or not. I’ve been having major technical problems every single day so far, all of which have to do with the employer’s software, rather than being on my end.

I missed three hours of training due to these technical problems today (not to mention the training I’ve missed on previous days.) I even had to work an hour late as IT tried to fix the problem and couldn’t, so I’m going right back to the exact same thing tomorrow morning.

It’s not just one software program, either; it’s multiple of them. And I seem to be the only one affected, for the most part. I want to give up on it and I guess what happens tomorrow will determine if I’m forced out because you can only miss so many hours of training before you get kicked from the class.

It’s incredibly stressful and makes me very panicked. Since I’m already worried about being able to learn enough to perform well, missing so much training is only making that worse.

But suddenly, I don’t really care that much whether it works out or not. I’ll give it my best and if it doesn’t work out, then I’ll regroup and decide what to do next. It feels like it will all be okay either way.

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