A reality check or just anxiety?

I know for sure that I’m a lot more anxious right now, between the effects of getting off Abilify, the week of dangerously cold weather we’re having, my husband just having surgery, etc.

But I truly can’t tell if what I’m experiencing right now is “just anxiety” or if I just got a long-overdue reality check.

I was reading a thread on Reddit about the number of people who are living in their cars and how that number is increasing. And the thought suddenly occurred to me: how do I know that won’t be me when my husband is gone?

What if my extreme tiredness this week isn’t because of getting off the Abilify, and what if it’s a state that’s going to continue? Right now I don’t feel like I would be capable of taking care of myself financially. Any of the big ideas I’ve had before about starting businesses are completely overwhelming right now.

I realized that there’s actually a very thin line separating me from homelessness. I still have both my adult kids living at home, too, so I might be responsible for supporting all of us on a poverty level income.

Please tell me that it’s not always going to be like this. That he’ll be around long enough for us to build a substantial savings, that the kids will become independent, that I’ll always have a roof over my head. My “worst case scenario” thinking has spiraled completely out of control. I just want to feel normal and capable again.

1 Comment

  1. Hopefully it will all be fine. I don’t know your part of the USA well enough to be able to tell if you’re catastrophising but I’m really familiar with “what if…” worst case scenario planning because I’ve Generalised Anxiety Disorder stemming from trauma. Maybe focus on the things you can do and take it one step at a time? You _are_ freelancing and on disability and H is still okay. While bad things can’t be predicted, you don’t have to figure out all the contingency plans yourself. As your H us a cancer survivor, what are the things you both can plan incase misfortune strikes? It’s a team effort, including with your grown children.

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