Spiraling

I’ve done more research on the company that hired me and there’s a lot written online about how awful this job is. The customers who call are rightfully quite angry because their orders haven’t shown up, they want to speak to a supervisor, and supervisors aren’t available. Your performance is rated not by tapes of your calls but based on scores the callers give for how well you could resolve their problems. And since you can’t ever get a supervisor to take the call, guess how well the callers rate you?

I would be more inclined to take all this with a grain of salt if it were only a small handful of people saying this. But it’s literally dozens of people saying these things on both Indeed and Glassdoor. And now I really, really don’t want this job. I also don’t think I’m in a good enough state of mind to have people cussing me out all day.

This brings me back to something I’ve been afraid of for a while: maybe I’m just incapable of getting a decent job. Most of my freelance jobs don’t ever turn into offers for permanent jobs, either.

Rather than type out all the unhelpful spiraling thoughts that I’m thinking, I do wonder if maybe disability is the only option for me. I do want to work but I’m not good at waking up early in the morning. I’m also not good at juggling multiple freelance jobs at the same time. I don’t know if it’s just that I’m lazy or if there’s something truly wrong with my brain, because having too much to do makes my brain melt down and I just can’t do it.

Do I have alternatives to this horrible-sounding job? Can I really earn enough to support myself better than just disability? I’m just feeling like I’m all out of good options.

6 Comments

  1. In my opinion and life experience, a bad job can really burn you out, making you more disabled. I regret staying in my “best ever but still shitty” last job because I’m still not ok close to 2 years on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear that you’re still not ok after your last job. 😦 I’m thinking that I really don’t want to do this job. I don’t have much faith at the moment about finding something better but I definitely see the possibility for a bad job making me worse and setting back my health even further.

      Like

      1. Hugs ❤ You do know your area best so here's hoping you get much better opportunities. Freelancing isn't as steady as salaried, for sure, but it'll probably be better than working for a company with this many bad reviews on Indeed and Glassdoor.

        Liked by 1 person

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