Why I’ve been so quiet lately

I’ve struggled to know what to write about, which either means that my life is boring or that I’m a terrible blogger (the truth is probably both of those things.)

I’ve been busy with work, which is very good to have but also has a negative impact on my desire to write here. I’ve also been trying to work on getting my business off the ground, which is more challenging than I initially thought when I was just fueled by enthusiasm.

I’ve also been dealing with a fair amount of anxiety, first about my husband’s health and now about the election. The difference between my anxiety now and what it would have been like a few years ago is that I’ve got the skills to talk myself through it. I don’t let the anxiety carry me away anymore; I just need to process it and keep myself calm. I actually find that it usually makes my anxiety much worse if I talk too much about it.

Ultimately, I have this certainty that everything is going to be okay, both with my husband’s health and even if the election doesn’t go the way that I want.

If I ever get the referral to UT Southwestern (*tapping foot*) to find out what’s really wrong with my brain that’s not MS, whatever the outcome is won’t be likely to change my experience. I still know that I need to avoid people and things that cause me stress. I know that I’ll still need a nap almost every day.

I guess I’ve come to let go of a lot of things. That isn’t to say that I don’t have any concerns (especially about my adult kids), but I just don’t let stuff stress me out as much as I once did. I can’t even put it into words, other than that I no longer feel the tightness in my chest caused by stress that I used to.

The way I look at most things is that trouble is temporary and it will all work out in the end. Yes, even if my husband’s cancer comes back, even if he dies, even if Trump wins again, even if my kids don’t find jobs. I’ll still ultimately be okay either way. Believing that really gives me an overall sense of peace.