My daughter and I went down to Austin last week on an overnight trip so she could go bright and early in the morning to legally change her name and gender. It went much more smoothly than either of us expected, thanks to some tips I got from a friend.
Now she has also changed her driver’s license and applied for a new social security card with her new name and gender. She also updated her car insurance and just going from male to female significantly lowered her rates.
I feel like I’m supposed to feel more than I do about the change but mostly I just feel relief that it’s finally done. It took almost 7 years from the time she first told me she was transgender to actually making it legal and official.
I think that what suddenly lit a fire under her is the fact that she’s gotten really serious about looking for work. She should find out soon if she got a pretty good job in IT. The process of her being out of work for so long has really tested my usual philosophy of being fairly hands-off with my adult kids and with her in particular.
I know that she won’t do anything until she feels ready and all the pressure in the world won’t make things happen any faster. In some cases, it has the opposite effect. But man, has it been challenging this time to take the hands-off approach. I do still have control-freak tendencies, after all, though they’re less pronounced than they once were.
Interestingly, on an only marginally related note, I also discovered what my limitations are with my MS. When I need to push myself, I can, like with the late night and early morning in Austin. But days later, I’m still feeling the effects and still needing more naps than usual again.
All in all, I’m just really relieved that this long process is finally over. Hopefully she can live her life in peace and harmony now that this is done.
Return of Conflict Girl 
Hurrah! Also since she”s going into IT – what area is she going in? Helpdesk? System Admin? Business Analysis? Reddit has good, supportive subs! 🙂
Also, staying hands-off sounds so anxiety provoking! You’re right however that pressure may backfire. I find that as someone with anxiety, I do need consistent pushing from someone I love and trust, but yeah, I’ll naturally do stuff when I’m ready as well.
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She’s going into tier 2 help desk. Her ultimate goal is still to become an endocrinologist or a pharmacist, though.
Staying relatively hands-off is anxiety-producing for me, for sure! And I would regularly ask what her plans were. But she also has anxiety and I know that too much pressure when she’s not ready makes her anxiety worse and doesn’t change her timeline in any way. Years of trying the other way and observation made me figure out what worked and more specifically what didn’t.
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Oh sweet! Hopefully the customer service skills are picks up will help in her dream jobs.
I’m glad you have her back, and that you know what works despite how it’s anxiety provoking for you too.
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I am so glad things went well for your daughter! I do hope she can live the rest of her life happy and in complete peace. I must say, I am blown away by the courage she has. I can’t imagine it is easy, but she knows who she is and that is more than most can say. I have the utmost respect for your daughter and know she gets her courage from her amazing mother.
I was just talking with my husband about how awful healthcare is in the United States, but I also feel strongly that people who are different and treated so awful. I think there is going to be a day I am going to have to march to fight for anyone that needs a little extra courage and strength. Please forgive this next part, I am ready to march to fight against, not just that president, but the entire white house!! I hope you are doing well and please remember to take care of yourself. I wish I was closer so I could help !!!
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